Originally published in Shooting Illustrated, January 2013. We thought this would be an appropriate first entry for our joint blog venture. 

Passing the Torch      

When my wife and I became engaged many years ago, there was never a question about whether or not there would be guns in the house. She realized early in our relationship that firearms were a major part of my life, and the only issue was how I would keep our home a safe place once we had children. As with most things in a child’s life, the long-term solution did not involve making an item “kid-proof,” but rather in educating the child in how to deal with something that could prove dangerous if mishandled or abused. Compared to teaching a child how to swim, cross the street safely, or drive a car, it seemed like a relatively simple task. As it turned out, the process evolved into five phases, and I controlled only the first three.

Phase 1 was safety, and while I recognize that the issue of safety doesn’t ever go away in a lifetime of dealing with firearms, it was the only issue addressed during the first few years of my children’s education. My home defense handgun at that time was a S&W Model 19 revolver chambered in 357 Magnum. My wife was comfortable with the gun and knew how to use it from many camping trips and visits to the range. I kept the gun on a shelf high in the closet where my wife and I could reach it and small children couldn’t. My kids did not know where I stored it. Starting when my girls were less than two years old, I would sit them down in the living room and bring out the Smith & Wesson. Treating them like they were much older, I would go through a fairly routine safety lecture about firearms including a demonstration of how to unload the gun and verify it was in a safe condition. I don’t think even the older one understood everything I said or grasped the total significance of the message, but they both sensed this was an important, grown-up talk, and they were always very attentive. We had this session on roughly a quarterly basis, not so often that they got bored, but frequently enough that they didn’t forget. What I think held their attention most was that at the end of the lecture when all three of us had “verified” that the handgun was unloaded, they both got to handle it. This was definitely a serious, adult moment for them, and they seemed to fully appreciate that fact. For me, it was the defining moment of the sessions, because this was when I learned if either girl was physically capable of pulling the trigger. For years their small hands were unable to do that, and the Model 19 remained on the closet shelf in our bed room instantly ready if needed. The day my oldest daughter managed to dry fire the unloaded revolver at the end of our session, the Model 19 went into the gun safe and was replaced on the shelf by a 1911 with a full magazine and an empty chamber. Our quarterly meetings continued for a few more years with the 1911 replacing the revolver, something that added spice to the sessions and rekindled the girls’ interest. Yes, eventually they were strong enough to manually cycle the slide on the 1911, but by that time the mystique of the hidden firearm had worn off from our frequent safety meetings at home and actual field shooting experiences on many camping trips.

This led to Phase II, which I refer to as the Recreation phase. As mentioned above, back then we did a lot of weekend camping as a family and with friends, and since most of these trips were in more remote areas, there were plenty of opportunities for some fun, family shooting. As time went by, whenever the friends who joined us had kids, there was an hint of competition, but basically we stressed the fun element with all the kids getting pointers on how to shoot better. Everyone was praised, but there were no prizes awarded. Most of all, there was no talk of a firearm’s use for defensive purposes and the serious punishment it could inflict to prevent violence being done to one’s person or family. This is not to say that the kids weren’t aware of the serious applications of a handgun; we parents talked about that aspect among ourselves, and there are no ears as sensitive as a child’s when he or she is around adults and wants to hear what they’re saying. Which is entirely different than hearing instructions they don’t want to follow! In addition to camping weekends, there were trips to the local range on which I would sometimes invite the girls. Usually they had other things they preferred to do, but occasionally one would come along and perhaps try a new gun. While still quite young, they expanded their experience beyond 22 rimfire handguns to include centerfire revolvers. These were not the big magnums, but some 38 Specials and milder 357s. For the most part, they seemed to enjoy it, but neither showed a hint of their dad’s addiction. It was just one of the “fun” things they did on camping trips along with riding down sized motor cycles, fishing, and roasting marshmallows.

As the girls approached their early teens, we entered Phase 3, the Competitive Phase. I had become heavily involved in handgun silhouette shooting and lightly involved in action pistol shooting. I was not trying to push the kids into being competitive shooters, but rather wanted to give them a glimpse of the serious side of handguns. We were living in Colorado at the time, and many of our dinners were game animals taken with magnum pistols. Neither girl expressed an interest in hunting with me, nor did they choose to pursue getting into competitive action shooting. We did shoot a few “team matches” at local clubs designed to get parents and kids out shooting together, but these were strictly fun events. Neither girl really had time to pursue a serious interest in shooting competitions as both were playing competitive softball tournaments throughout the summers. I don’t recall any dynamic results from those years of exposure to competition, but the girls did enhance their handling and shooting skills while reinforcing their safety awareness.

Eventually, like all kids, they reached the Adulthood phase and began independent lives. Living on their own, each girl kept a loaded handgun in her home for basic protection. The older one chose a small frame revolver that I think she keeps handy mainly at my urging. The good news is that she knows how to use it even if her level of awareness regarding possible threats isn’t as high as I would like. For years, the younger girl had a fascination for big bore handguns, specifically a Desert Eagle in 44 Magnum. Her choice had less to with stopping power and was more about the enhanced “blast therapy” she realized when she torched off a round at one of the indoor ranges. Still, I took comfort in the fact that she kept a serious handgun and occasionally practiced with it, even if it was mostly for fun and attention.

To my great satisfaction, the youngest daughter recently entered Phase 5, perhaps best referred to as the Awareness phase. In a nutshell, she became aware of the empowerment one attains when one has a handgun and has been trained to use it properly. I can’t take credit for this transformation. It came to her when she attended the 250 Class at Gunsite Academy and had an epiphany that a person properly armed and with quality training has the power to control her fear of an attack and channel it into a willingness to fight back and defeat the threat. From the class she acquired both the enhanced skill set and mind set to defend herself when necessary. It wasn’t that she hadn’t known how to operate a weapon before, but rather she hadn’t known how and when to apply the proper level of force necessary to stop an attack, nor had she the necessary level of awareness to recognize when an attack was imminent. Today, her home defensive armament has changed. Near her bed there is a Smith & Wesson M&P pistol with a weapon light mounted on the rail. The Gunsite raven on the slide doesn’t make the weapon any more effective, but it does remind her of graduation day and the skills she acquired.

I’d like to get my older daughter to attend one of the Gunsite classes, but back injuries she sustained a few years ago make that problematical. Most of all I’d like her to achieve that heightened level of awareness that is the key to avoiding a threat that might lead to a life threatening encounter. The problem as with all kids is that you can try to pass them the torch, but you can’t dictate how brightly they keep it shining. I’m pleased that she’s chosen to be armed and self-reliant. I hope she can stay focused enough to win the fight.